Life, Miracles and an Eye Update!

The saying above is so very true. Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles. And we should be noticing them. Being mindful, being engaged with the moment you are in and not thinking ahead to what’s next.

June 28 was a year since I woke up with a corneal ulcer and totally blind in one eye. When we finally got it uninfected, I had to wait while the thing healed. Then the end of February I had surgery to remove the scarring and the cornea and have a transplant.

2 months ago I had 2 stitches taken out. I didn’t see or feel anything then. Yesterday I spent hours with different cameras taking pictures of the little fellow clinging to my eyeball and the 14 stitches left holding it in place. And then my surgeon took one more out. This time I saw all of the equipment and I was amazed how tiny scissors and a needle can be! I’m progressing very well. My vision in that eye is still wonky but improves a few days after these stitch removals. Not as in good enough to drive or anything like that, but it’s improving. Now we shall start removing them every 6 weeks and then I’ll have another surgery.

My surgeon asked me what this past year has been like for me. Scary, full of anxiety, a lot of whining and moaning dramatically. But I also don’t rely on my sight completely anymore. My sense of smell and awareness of the things around me are heightened. I am extremely mindful of every thing I do. What the people around me are doing. I do one thing at a time. I let people help me. Pride has gone who knows where.

While my husband has to leave the room for every procedure as he is squeamish, my doctor and I do a lot of talking. About books, tea, especially tea. And yesterday he said,” You know through this whole thing, you’ve never complained to me. Never said no to me. You sit still as a statue and let us hurt you and learn from you and you never say a word. How do you do that?”  Me: “I trust you”. And that is the truth. I trust this man who is the best in his field. It’s just that simple. I trust him and the gratitude I feel for him and his residents is enormous. I have had tiny miracles every step of the way. When things should have gone bad from the beginning, they didn’t. When I had no idea how I was going to come up with $30,000.00 up front for the surgery, it just showed up in my mailbox the day before Christmas Eve.

Today will be a rather uncomfortable day but that’s to be expected. I’ll still be able to read because I have one good eye. And that’s more than some people have. Notice the tiny miracles around you. Seek them out. Make them happen.

Thank you all for supporting me on this journey. Now, go be someone’s miracle worker!

xx Patricia

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Really, Can You Ever Have Too Many Books? ( The answer is no, shhh)

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Yesterday was opening book gifts! There are actually more as some were Kindle editions. But these will keep me out of trouble for a while at least.

After the fiasco at the Phone Store, yesterday was perfect. OU Boy was home and washed my hair so I didn’t get any water in my new eye, which I am calling Drew now. Anyway, this man gives a mean head wash! I was like a cat purring it felt so good! So thanks for that!

We went out to lunch to a new pizza place. It was one of those experiences where you say, Well, we did that. Let’s not do it again. The pizza was really nice, but the televisions were all over but they were all muted so some canned music  could pump over the speakers. Really ticked me off as ESPN was on.

I think someone did some grocery shopping because there is food in the refrigerator. I know it wasn’t me though as I was otherwise engaged. I was reading a book by a self published author because someone asked me to as a favor. I won’t be doing that again.

Today, all my birthday people have left. Here I am all alone, with no supervision. So I am going to pop on my headphones and listen to my fellow Georgia Girl, Karin Slaughter’s book on audio while I try really hard to paint my toenails.

I hope your May is off to a good start. I know all of you gardeners are busy doing gardening things and the farmers are seeing new life born every day now, and I am just thankful that I can just lay around the pool in the sunshine being lazy.

xx Patriciabirthdaystuff

Lovebirds

 

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Because this made me feel happy. And that is good!❤

Holiday weekends are so packed that I am not posting book reviews. Just sharing things that make me happy. Also I ran into the cupboard door this morning and got a whack right under my transplant eye so Anxiety snuck in along with her nasty sister Fear. Not sure if the double vision is from that or just more cornea healing so I’m going to cover it and wait for the good doctor to tell me. In the meantime I will try and be calm and send out lots of good juju!🌸

xx Patricia

Friday, Coffee, and Espresso Cupcakes!

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It’s Friday and we all made it out alive. I hope. My day started out like a cartoon. Woke up and filled the french press with coffee and hot water.Grabbed a travel mug I haven’t used in a long time, but I felt the need for a lot of coffee.

Before I put the lid on I always take a nice big mouthful to get me to my office. Only this time when I raised it to my mouth there was a spider staring back at me. In. My. Coffee.

We are not spider people here. Nary a one of us is spider savvy. First I screamed, then I dumped the entire thing in the sink and flushed it out. Now I was down to my backup cup.It looked perfectly fine but by this time I’m not sure of what I’m seeing anymore since yesterday when I swatted what I thought was an ant and it was a shadow. So I took out my tiny strainer and strained that cup of coffee. It was fine. But by that time I was feeling those pre-anxiety jitters. I have to see my shrink today. It’s a thing I have to do before the transplant so I was already a little amped up. Instead of giving in to it, I just made another pot of coffee and all is now right with the world.

I don’t mind going to see my psych doctor. He is from Mississippi too, so we usually end up lamenting the foods we miss from home. But this time I am going to have to talk to him about how I feel about this surgery. The fact that I will be asleep the entire time is not comforting to me. A million things could happen while I’m out. How well do we know this anesthesiologist guy anyway? I mean he could have been up drinking half the night for all I know. And speaking of that, who in the hell is at their best at 6 a.m.? Have they had their coffee? Are they cool, sober and ready to make history here?

My Momma says it will be fine. I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m being overly dramatic. And she’s right. I know that logically, but emotionally, not so much. So I’m going to try and keep it together and remember what Corbin (4) said. Wow! Maybe you’ll have super powers!

xx Patricia

Anxiety. The What If of Life.

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Hope, Courage and Strength. All of these are running through my mind this morning!

Yesterday afternoon the surgeon’s office called to let me know that I will be having my scar removal and corneal transplant on the 23rd of February. We went over all of the pre-op and post-op instructions and then I spoke with the anesthesiologist who gave me his instructions. No eating or drinking after midnight. Not a problem for me. No jewelry, no makeup and bring a shirt that buttons up the front. Not sure about that one.

So I was all at once anxious and glad I now had the date. Since I have promised myself I will not do any more research and look at pictures of eyeballs, I’m not sure how I feel now. Resigned I guess but I’m sure Anxiety will rear her ugly head as I get closer to the date.

Anxiety is that little devil on my shoulder that says ‘Hey, you should make sure your surgeon and all the other O.R. people aren’t on drugs or alcohol. What would happen if one of them had the shakes?’ That is what anxiety is. The What Ifs of Life. Anxiety is not logical, but it does have the power to bring you to your knees some days.

Happy Reading   xxPatricia